One Company Two Interviews

Soo... I had my interview today. I don't know how it went. Heather says I'm too down on myself but I'm nervous. I really want the job. I'm sending a Thank You note tomorrow to try and set myself apart. But the most amazing part? Heather had her phone interview today with the same company!!! AND SHE HAS AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW!!!! I'm SOOO proud of her!!! She's amazing. Maybe that will go really well and something will start to change for us. Heather's so strong. She is going through so much and her only concern is every one around her. She wants me to be happy. I am happy. With her. I just I feel like our worlds are collapsing and its my fault. I know somewhere its not my fault, but... I left a job because I couldn't take the shiet. They were mean to me and hated me and so it was good that i left but... If it werent for that... Heather wouldn't have to be adjusting and that'd be a laye of stress off of her. I want her happy. Her happinss is my only concern. Alright...I know this is short but we gotta get up early for her interview.

Moving is not fun...

Well we survived the move, Two VERY long days of moving a very sleepless night equals two very tired girls. So we are here in Jess's parents house. Jess as a second interview today. I hope that goes well for her. I know she is amazing and will blow them away like she did me. Everyone who meets her can't help but like her...that's just the way she is. I am trying to get used to the running of the house here. You know how everyone runs their house differently and do things the way they want them done, well I am just trying to figure it out here. Jess and I cooked dinner for her parents last night...well I cooked and Jess showed me where everything was. I hoped they really liked it and just didn't pretend to for my feelings sake. So today Jess is going to her interview and I am going to be unpacking our room and trying to get everything situated and putting in applications online. Jess's parents will be home around 7ish. Then we will eat. I like Jess's parents I really do, I just don't know them that well. I mean I have only met them like 4 times and now I am LIVING with them. I know it will just take some getting used to. I know it will help us in the long run. Until then however, I sit here in a house I know nothing about, in a city that I know nothing about, the only place I know how to get to is Wal-mart. I do, however, have two adorable little puppies to keep me company...they are silkie terrier and the other is a shorkie. They are both small but they are guard dogs. They go crazy as soon as they here someone pull up or even walk by the house. Its cute. Okay off to find a job, and get my Jess ready for her big interview. Hope everyone is blogland has a great day.

I'm ready to raise the white flag

The white flag is in my hand and I am ready to raise it and waive it. I don't know how much more I can take. It seems like we move a step in the right direction and then get knocked back 5 steps...do the math, its not pretty people. We are giving up our independence, our freedom and we are doing this to go in the right direction, so we can have a better life, so I am okay with that. It just seems like the world is against us right now. Like there is this evil plan out to get us and knock us on our knees and beg for mercy. I have never been one to give up, however, I am ready to pull the white flag out and beg. I just need for something good to happen, for a break, for a sign that we are doing the right thing. ANYTHING that will make all of this stress, and dread in my stomach go away. As much as we try to keep positive it seems as if something negative is around every corner grabbing us. Hidden fees, Companies not doing what they say, People saying they are going to do one thing and then doing something completely different. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Okay I am done venting now...I will continue to pack my first apartment with a smile on my face and act as if everything is okay now. Thanks for reading my whining.
♥H

Stressed to the max

So Jess and I are moving this weekend...we will be saying goodbye to our first apartment together. Its sad but its a positive thing. We are moving to Charleston to better our lives. Its kinda a last minute decision but it just seems we are sinking further and further in debt here and we cant seem to get out. So we are going to stay with Jess's parents for a while to get back on our feet and then we will find another place together. The past couple of days have been an emotional hell for me. My grandmother took a turn for the worse, I'm overwhelmed from the move, one of my childhood friend's dad was in a very bad motorcycle accident and is on life support, it just seems like everything is happening so fast and all at once. My family was talking about putting my nanny in a nursing home so Jess and I were prepared to take a month apart for me to go stay with her while she stays with her parents to save up money for a deposit on a house near my nanny, but my dad wont allow that. (He isnt doing to well with the whole me coming out thing) And honestly I wasn't doing well with the whole leaving Jess for a month thing...but I was going to do what I had to do for my family...(especially my nanny!) Jess and I both love nanny so much that we were both willing to make that sacrifice to do this. It was killing us both but we were going to do it. Then my dad says no...just plain and simple no. Which left me feeling so many emotions...relieved, sad, hurt...needless to say I have been crying alot. Poor Jess just kinda hugs me because I think she is at a lose of what to say or do. She is just amazing through all of this though. So we are going on an adventure to Charleston...and it is a P-o-s-i-t-i-v-e thing! No matter how much its going to suck til we get back on our feet we can do it...TOGETHER. Together we can accomplish anything, together our love can beat the evil forces of the world. So we will go to Charleston with our heads held high and be proud that we were strong enough to ask for help.

I love you Jess.

So... We took the kids home yesterday. It was really sad. I didn't want to take them home. I know I said earlier how much hard work they are, and they are, but... they are amazing creatures. They don't mind discipline. I think they really .... like it in a way. They respect us. They were SOOO cute. We took them to Chuck E. Cheese's the day before and they were sooo excited. It made me feel like they loved and needed us. Jess will you do this with me, Aunt Heather will you play this with me. It was amazing. The patrons at Chuck E. Cheese's kept calling us their parents... It made me feel good. After our day of fun packedness, We came home and just partied. It was really fun. We just kinda partied here at the apartment and what not. When we were settling down to sleep... Ethan says his tummy hurt so he came into our bed with us. We sat there and talked with him forever. He was SOO sweet. He said it takes a special person to be called aunt and that I was special it just didn't flow Aunt Jess so he'd rather call me Jess. It was soo cute. It broke my heart when he started crying and told us he'd miss us and wanted to stay here. I wish we could have kept them all. I love them soo much. So... I asked Natalie for a hug the other day and she of course gave me one and I told her i loved her and she goes I love you Jess. It was SOOO sweet. It melted my heart. They are all amazing. And Heather being the amazing person she is, is perfect with them. She is perfect for me. I love he so very very much. So all in all... I want them back but i'll enjoy my time with Heather too. I love them, but I think we deserve some Me and Heather time. Just me and Heather.

YAYA>...off to spend time with my Amazing Heather.

Really?

So... I don't know that I'm made to be a mom. These kids have worn me out and beaten me down. I hate yelling and putting them in time out and what not, but they don't listen period. The oldest and youngest are definitely .... divas. They like to test Heather and I. They won't do what we say and they're well.. they try to do whatever they please. Don't get me wrong I love them completely and they can be sweet and loving and adorable. I just don't know that I have the patience to deal with being a stay at home mom or a mom period. I want the best for them. I just don't know. This week has deepened my love and amazement for Heather. She handles the kids sooo well and I know she gets tired of them but she cares so much for them. Its amazing to watch her with them. She truly loves them. She fixes the whatever they need and she doesn't think twice about it. She devotes herself completely to those kids. Its amazing to watch and be a part of. We still find little ways to show our love for each other but nothing too obvious. She mothers these kids and disciplines them and just is amazing. I know she hates disciplining them and stuff but she is truly amazing. She can tell why they make every action and usually counteract it with productive activity like naps or cartoons or something. I know she'd make a great mom if we ever decide to have a kid. But for the time being....We'll make great aunts.

Alright I'm hungry.

Out and about

So I am officially out to my whole family! Yikes! It feels amazing to be able to be myself and not have to hide the fact that I am in love with the most amazing woman in the world. So it has been so amazing on some points but I'm pretty sure what little relationship I had with my father is gone. He won't speak to me at all. The only problem I have with this is well he lives with my mom and I feel so awkward being there now, so its going to hurt my relationship with her. My brother thankfully, said that the kids could still come! I was so excited! So yesterday Jess and I drove all day (8 hours round trip) to get the kids and bring them to our home. It was good getting to see the family and have Jess with me and them know that we are together. Most of my family took it very well. There are still a couple of distant family who I haven't heard of their reactions but I am sure they aren't good. However I am not worrying about it. I feel free and oh so happy I have my girl, my family, and my kiddies are visiting for a week. So more about that...

I have with me two nieces and a nephew...I also have another Niece Brianna but she wasn't able to come on this trip (her mom is getting married) So Alexis is 10, Ethan is 7 and Natalie is 3. Alexis likes to be the big girl...following me around and helping whenever she can and Ethan is the quiet one, just kinda goes with the flow, however Natalie is well lets just say a mess! My brother and his wife need to tame that girl and quick. She will be a different child when she leaves Aunt Heather's house. I don't let her get away with half of the crap her mom does. She just looks at me like wow your serious. She is so adorable but a handful. She is the one you have to keep an eye on every second of every day.

So whats on the agenda? Tomorrow Jess is off so we are going to the beach for the day, with kites, sand castle kits and a picnic and camera of course...lol. Then Saturday we are going to the aquarium in Savannah because it is celebrating its birthday and they are doing all kinds of cool things with the kids. Then one day we are going to explore Savannah together and take lots of pictures, other then that there will be lots of playing in our pool, lots of monopoly, uno and Jenga playing, and just spending time together. This morning when we woke up we had a big tickle fest. It was great. I love having them here. My poor Jess is sick though. Poor baby, she has the sore throat, headache, running nose and all. I can tell she feels horrible but she keeps right up with the kids and won't slow down at all. Gosh she is a trooper. I fall more in love with her everyday. It amazes me just when I think I cant fall for her more I do. Now thats love. I will update later...gotta get back to the kiddies.
♥H

WOW! Did that really just happen?

HOLY CRAP! So so much has happened in the last 24 hours! It all started with my father. Now to fully understand you must know that my father and I have a very strained relationship. We used to be really close, he left me for years came back when I was 18 and expected to pick up where we left all...needless to say it didnt happen like that. Anyway back to the point... So my father wasn't happy about Jess and I going to get the kids and bringing them back here for a week. He wanted me to come there for a week and stay with them. I, however didnt want to be away from my home or Jess that long. He couldnt understand that because my family did not know about us. Soo... We got into an arguement about the whole thing and he told me he didnt want me to get the kids I told him I was so excited about getting them and he ruined it for me. Later last night I checked my emails with Jess, and there was an email from my dad, so I opened it and it said and I quote "When were you going to tell me about you and Jess and dont say what I'm not stupid" So my heart dropped in my stomach and I freaked. I knew right then that I had to call my mom and tell her because I didnt want it coming from my father. I knew I had to be the one to tell her. So I called her and talked to her like normal for a minute while I gathered up the courage and then I said Mom I have to tell you something and she goes okay. I said I have feelings for Jess. She replies "Duh" and then I could breathe. She then goes on to tell me they have suspected for over a year now that I did which they were right Jess and I have been together for 15 months. We talked and both of us cried, I asked her if she still loved me and she assured me she did and that nothing changed with us. I was and would always be her daughter. She then told me that just because she took it so well doesnt mean everyone in the family will. That it was going to take them some time to get used to the idea and I have to respect that. Which I do. My family grew up on very strict rules, and very old-fashioned beliefs. Last night I was just a bundle of nerves. So mom told me that before I could get the kids for a week I had to tell my brother and make sure he was still okay with the kids coming. Sooo... I tried to call them and they didnt answer so I emailed them. I know that is the chicken way out I honestly dont think I could tell anyone else last night. I was just so overwhelmed and honestly I still am. So now I am waiting not-so-patiently for them to email me back or call or something to see if I can still get the kids. I hope I can but if not I have to respect that it may take them time to get used to the idea. I just hope it doesnt take long. I really miss the kids. So when I woke up this morning I was trying to analyze how I felt... happy, sad, scared, nervous, relieved just so many emotions at once. I dont know whats going to happen with my family. I did the hard part I guess now I just have to wait and see what happens. I still dont know what to do about my father. I guess I will email him and tell him. I dont think I can do it over the phone. I am so angry at him for making me tell everyone before I was ready. I feel as if I was pressured into it, but at the same time I dont know that you are ever truly ready for that. I am glad its done and out in the open and I dont have to hide it anymore, so now I wait...and see if my family will still accept me. I will keep you posted.
♥H

Kids, kids, kids

I am terribly excited. My nieces and nephew are coming to Savannah to stay with Jess and I in t-minus 3 days! EEK! They will be here for a little over a week! I can't wait and I can not thank my beautiful fiance yes I said fiance (I will get to that later ) for being so amazing and being almost as excited about my kids coming as I am. See I have never been apart from Alexis, Ethan, Natalie or Brianna for more then a couple of days and currently it has been almost 4 months since I have seen them! It breaks my heart. Brianna is the only one that wont be at this trip cause her mom is getting married next weekend so she has to be there for that of course. She and my little brother Brian will be coming up along with my dad and older brother in July. Its so exciting to be able to share a part of my life with them...of course its not all of it cause they dont know about Jess and I being together. I really need to tell them that since we have officially set a date for our commitment ceremony. March 13, 2011. EEK! I proposed to Jess on our One year Anniversary at night under the stars at the beach. It was perfect and I had this whole game that we played where she had cards that she opened at random times throughout the night and each card had a question and if she answered it right then she got a prize...so I took her to her favorite restaurant (olive garden) and got her flowers and had all kinds of cute stuff for her well at card six we were swinging on a 2 person swing at the beach and the stars where shining it was perfect and her prize was a letter that I had written her telling her how amazing she was and how lucky I was and then at the end of the letter I said will you open card number 7 and card number 7 said "Will you marry me" I then got down on one knee and asked her to be mine forever...she said yes so that was the right answer and she got a ring ;) It was the happiest moment of my life thus far of course the moment I say my vows in front of our family and friends will surely triumph it, it will go down in the history book. I am truly so lucky to have such an amazing woman in my life. I have no idea what I did to deserve her or a love like this but I thank god for it daily. She is the most amazing person I have ever met and I fall more in love with her daily. I can't wait til Wednesday til we drive the very long drive back to my hometown to pick up the kids to bring them home with us. Oh the adventures we will have! I will blog all about it! I love you JLB...Always and Forever!
♥H

Grandmas, casinos and Hank

I just realized after looking at our blog that we haven't blogged about our trip with my grandmother. I have been looking forward to this trip for so long and I was so excited about going and it finally happened 2 weekends ago ( Yes I know I should be ashamed I am just now blogging of this) Jess FINALLY met my grandmother and I must say it went soo smooth. It was like Jess was her granddaughter too. It started all on a Friday morning with Jess and I getting up at 6 in the morning to drive the 3 hours to my grandmothers house. Little did I know that when we got there my Aunt Helen would be there too. I think that kinda freaked Jess out since she was already extremely nervous about meeting my nanny (cause she is my hero and so much more). So before I could even get out of the car Mary (My nanny's neighbor) is outside practically running to me hugging me asking me how I am, and how is Savannah and all of that good stuff and after hugging her I look over at Jess who looks terrified like she is walking into her execution or something...it was so cute! So I gave her a re-assuring smile and walked inside with her by my side. After introductions to everyone (My nanny hugged her and I entirely melted on the spot) we talked to my Aunt Helen for a little bit before continuing on our journey. We then drove the hour and a half to my moms house. I had to drop off some stuff for her before we went to the casino. So Jess got to meet my mom and my dog (which I was heartbroken to have to leave at my moms house when I moved here with Jess). After we talked to my mom for a few minutes we then drove the 2 hours to the casino. Yes add it up...6 1/2 hours...in a car. Ick! We found our hotel and checked in and before Jess and I could rest for a minute my nanny said I'm ready to go gambling girls lets go...so we were off to the casino...

Once we got to the casino we got nanny started playing on the slot machines while we went to get Jess a card since this was her first time there. After we got that all done we went back to where nanny was and we played slot machines and talked. It was so fun. Time just flew by. Next thing we knew it was 7ish and I knew I had to talk my nanny into leaving the casino and going to eat dinner and then go to bed or she was going to be sooo tired and I didn't want her to over due it. Even though you can't tell it she is a very sick lady and I want to keep her forever so yes I am very protective of her. So we took my nanny to Golden Corral which I remember as being one of her favorite restaurants. However that was before she got sick and had all of the restrictions on her diet. Literally it would be easier for me to tell you what she could eat then what she couldn't, regardless she was very grateful and enjoyed it very much and then we went back to the hotel and slept. The next morning at 6:45 my nanny pokes me in my side and says "Heather I'm ready to go gambling now" She had already gotten a shower and dressed and took her medicine and everything so I woke Jess up who was a real trooper because neither of us do mornings. Jess and I went to get breakfast and stole a few kisses while nanny did her breathing treatment. After breakfast we went to the casino and spent the WHOLE day there. We arrived there at 7 and left at 5.


Nanny and I





Jess and I


After we left the casino at 5, we knew that we didnt want to spend the rest of the night in the hotel before heading home the next day so we quickly jumped on the internet to find something to do. After a little searching I wrote down a couple of addresses and we were off yet again. I drove while nanny was beside me and Jess was in the back and we took nanny to the grave site of Hank Williams. Hank Williams was a HUGE country singer back in the days when my nanny was young and he just happened to be my nanny's absolute favorite singer ever. She loved being able to go there. Then we did a tour of the older homes in Montgomery, Alabama. After that was done we went to the home of Martin Luther King JR. It was all very interesting. My nanny loved every minute of it.




Hank William's Grave




Hank William's Hat



Sunday morning we woke up at 6:30 and got ready left the hotel and headed to my mom's house where my dad and all my brothers and my mom were waiting for us. I was worried about this one cause I know if you put me and my older brothers together well it usually gets a little crazy because we are all VERY opinionated and we dont mind sharing it. There is usually at least one heated discussion anytime we are all in the same room and they did not let me down. Jess just stood beside me taking it all in and then when me and my oldest brother were discussing my nephew Ethan, Jess piped in and shocked the whole family cause she had been so quiet and she stuck up for me and told Chris I was right. It was great. The whole family was like WOW where did that come from. Best moment ever. They completely respected her opinion and the fact that even though she was shy she stood up for what she believed in. Then we got on the topic of her tattoos which my nanny wasnt too pleased of but thankfully didnt say a whole about. She is just old fashioned. We spent a couple of hours there and then it was time to get nanny home because I knew she was getting tired. So we dropped nanny off at her house almost 2 hours later and we were on the 3 hour drive home both completely exhausted. Over all it was just an amazing trip. My whole family loves Jess and more importantly my Nanny LOVED Jess. She asks about her everyday when I talk to her now and tells all of my cousins about her and its just amazing that I can share Jess with my family and My family with Jess. Its something I never thought I would be able to experience. I am truly grateful for the chance to have my two heros spend the weekend with me and I will never forget that weekend. It goes in the history books as one of the greats.



My Nanny playing the slot machines


♥ H

Pool, Pie, and Pretty little girls

So... As most of you know, we're a one income household currently. It's tight, but we're getting through it. We're making the best of everything. We had DATE NIGHT last night. It was amazing. Heather, being the truly amazing wife she is, spoiled me rotten. I came home from work to a feast. I even got sweet potato pie! I am truly spoiled and in love. Speaking of being in love... I fall more in love with Heather every day. She has gotten me to open up so much about not only my past, but my feelings and what was going through my mind at any given moment. I've never done that before. She knows more about me than I did... I blocked a lot of my feelings because I thought they were irrelevant and that no one would care. I felt like I didn't deserve to show what I was feeling, but that has all changed. Heather not only lets me, but encourages me to unblock my feelings and just let me be me. I am who I am and if someone doesn't like it, oh well. Heather is truly remarkable and I know she's stressed right now, but I know not only that she will come out on top of the world and that I will be right beside her. She is truly the love of my life.

So...In other news... Heather and I went swimming today. I love swimming with her. It's like our worries drift away from us. For those brief moments (which today was like 5 hours), we can relax and just breathe. I hate that she's stressed. I would do anything to make everything better. Just a flick of the magic wand...Damn...I really need o find where I hid that thing...It could really come in handy... Oh wait... It was recalled from my possession via throwing because it didn't work and it made me sad. She's truly my world.

Well... while swimming this little girl and her babysitter join us. The babysitter didn't really care about watching the little girl, but she played with Heather and I. She was soo cute. Her name is Isabella and she is two. She played with us the entire time we were in the pool. We played ball and she kept begging us to lift her out of the pool and then catch her when she jumped in. She was too cute. It made Heather and I both want one. But I want to give my best shot to make all of Heather's and my dreams come true. I know I have a lot of work to do to accomplish some of our goals, but we will get there. My book will sell and I will take Heather to Paris and everywhere else we want to go. Granted I want to write more books, but that will come with time. One at a time right? Anyways...I thought it was awesome that Heather and I made a friend regardless of the fact she's two.

So then... we started these thingys...They are garden stones that we got for a dollar one time at target.. They're really messy and they take 24 hours to dry...that's a whole day!!! but We get to finish them tomorrow.

Alright... I'm going to spend time with my girl.